I’m sure you’ve all been there where you have needed your OC to have a sarcastic comeback or witty remark and you simply could not think of one. I am not sarcastic by nature and I was once in this position. It took hours of online search to find one that suited the situation and attitude of my OC creating the following interaction:
It is because of these events that I decided to make a list here of 100 sarcastic quotes and phrases that you can skillfully use in your own works. Even if you don’t write, we all need a laugh and I hope you enjoy these. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.
The List
- 1.I avoid you because I’m afraid of me, not you. My temper goes from zero to prison really fast.
- 2.If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
- 3.If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
- 4.I’m jealous of the people who haven’t met you.
- 5.Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them.
- 7. Stranger: Nice to meet you. Me: Give it time.
- 8. There’s no need to repeat yourself, I ignored you just fine the first time.
- 9. You sound better with your mouth closed.
- 10. The path to inner peace begins with four words. Not my fucking problem.
- 11. Keep it up and you will be a strange smell in the attic.
- 13. I’m just here establish an alibi.
- 14. I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.
- 15. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
- 16. Life’s good, you should get one.
- 17. Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
- 19. If you ran as much as your mouth, you’d be in good shape.
- 20. My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.
- 21. Never mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans a murder out loud.
- 22. Stranger: What do you look for in a partner? Me: A way out.
- 23. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
- 25. My favourite party trick is not going.
- 26. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
- 27. Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I’d be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth.
- 28. Back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them.
- 29. My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.
- 31. There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m doing 50 in a 35. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.
- 32. Yeah, I’m a pacifist. I’m about to pass a fist across your face.
- 33. Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.
- 34. Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning.
- 35. Underestimate me. That will be fun.
- 37. Apparently rock bottom has a basement.
- 38. Someday, you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.
- 39. It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
- 40. My purpose in life is to serve as a cautionary tale to others.
- 41. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
- 43. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
- 44. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
- 45. Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.
- 46. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
- 47. I work 40 hours a week for us to be this poor!
- 49. Is it time for your medication or mine?
- 50. Really, Sherlock? No! You are clever.
- 51. I’m not always rude and sarcastic, sometimes I’m asleep.
- 52. When Social Distance is Over, Let’s Not Tell Some People.
- 53. An Apple A Day Keeps Anyone Away If You Through It Hard Enough.
- 54. I am not young enough to know everything.
- 55. If anything can go wrong, it will.
- 56. Stranger: Do you have any sense? Me: Ya, do you want some?
- 57. Marriage has no Guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
- 58. You look like a before picture.
- 60. People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
- 61. I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands.
- 62. Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.
- 63. Money talks, but mine always says ”Goodbye”.
- 64. I need to social distance from the kitchen. I tested positive for fat ass.
- 66. My Doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said: ”No, we all seem to enjoy it”.
- 67. You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
- 68. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
- 69. Feed your own Ego. I’m busy.
- 70. I’m not lazy, I’m in energy saving mode.
- 72. My luck is like a bald guy who won a comb.
- 73. It’s beginning to look a lot like fuck this.
- 74. Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
- 75. Take me back to the night we met… So I can leave you there.
- 76. You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
- 78. Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
- 79. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
- 80. I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
- 81. The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
- 82. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
- 84. It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
- 85. Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
- 86. Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.
- 87. You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
- 88. Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?
- 90. If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?
- 91. Somewhere out there, there’s a tree working very hard to produce oxygen so that you can breathe. I think you should go and apologize to it.
- 92. Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
- 93. Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
- 94. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
- 96. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
- 97. I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.
- 98. Earth is full. Go home.
- 99. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
- 100. I’ve got heels higher then your standards.
